Archive for March 1, 2006

chronicles of narni-uhhhh, this sucked!

March 1, 2006 Leave a comment

what a let down! a wonderfully energetic preview got all of us excited for this childhood classic, but sadly it did not come close to living up to its potential. i think the director thought he was gonna get all Peter Jackson on Narnia and create this gripping trilogy a la Lord of the Rings. didn’t happen. here are a few reasons i say so:

close to zero character development. i noticed this when lucy first entered Narnia and went to the home of Mr. Tumnus. Tumnus was so unconvincing! he kept looking at lucy in a way that was supposed to show us that he was deceiving her, but instead he just looked like he was staring at her. then when he admitted to her that spied on her and reported her presence to the white witch, i was just dumbfounded – it was just unbelievable (literally, i didn’t know which side of his character was real, the friend or the spy).

aside from Tumnus, the children had three emotions: happy, characterized by smiles; sad, characterized by tears and pouting lips; stupid, characterized by a blank stare. the only thing that Peter ever said to Edmund was ‘grow up!’. even after Edmund saved his life! while that was probably meant as a little bit of haha, it reeked of poor writing. you’d think at that point, at least, Peter could put down his responsible older brother act and maybe thank Edmund. only Edmund has any promise as an actor – he had a good envy/jealousy thing going on.

and Aslan – oh my lord (haha)! i expect so much more of Liam Neeson. Aslan was like my kindergarten teacher lulling me to sleep before naptime. a figure meant to inspire awe, Aslan was sorely lacking. the only characters that were worth anything were the Beavers. how i loved the Beavers! you could actually believe they were an old bickering, yet loving, couple. everyone else, pfff.

i can’t remember if the children came back to the real world at the end of the book, but they did at the end of the movie, and it was utterly retarded. having aged about 15 years while on their thrones in Narnia, they found the lamp, the starting point of this whole journey, while on a steed chase. incredibly, they barely remembered its significance. did they forget their parents and where they came from? was it meant to indicate that Narnia had an effect on them such that they lost their memories of their prior lives? but happily they fall back through the wardrobe, and suddenly they remember everything about London, and look there’s the professor will he believe us oh he says he will oh hahahahaha!!!


the only good thing that came from this demolition of a classic was Andy Samberg and Chris Parnell’s SNL sketch.

Categories: movies