Home > Austin, haha, WTF? > the other night, i went out w/ a friend to some ba…

the other night, i went out w/ a friend to some ba…

the other night, i went out w/ a friend to some bars. we ended up hopping to a few different bars b/c the people we met up with couldn’t make up their minds where to stay. that’s ok, no problem.

so we head out to our final destination of the night, sky bar, on congress ave. understand that by this time, it’s nearly 1:30am and austin closes at 2am. sky bar is still charging cover. off the bat, i hate bars that charge cover – i really get annoyed when they still charge cover even though there’s 30 minutes left till closing and the bar isn’t full. again, i’m w/ other people so i don’t get bothered by it. 2 friends go inside to use the atm so that they can pay cover. i pay for myself and another guy (part of this group) who i met for the first time 20 minutes earlier. he goes in, but i get stopped by the cashier lady:

“i’m holding you as collateral.”

“for what?” say i.

“for your friends. just stand there for a moment.” says she.

“ok, whatever.” say i, thinking this will be, as she says, a moment.

4 minutes later (not 5 minutes, mind you) she says “were those your friends?”

“you mean the ones you were holding me collateral for? yes.” say i.

“well they’re gone.” says she.

“ok, well then i’m going in.” say i, and proceed to pass through the entry portal of the SKY BAR.

“oh no,” says she, “i’m still holding you for collateral.”

“what are you talking about? what collateral?” say i.

“your friends didn’t pay. they were going to use the atm to get the cover. i’m holding you for collateral until they pay.” says she.

“no you’re not. that has nothing to do with me. i’m sorry you didn’t pay attention to them, but i already payed my cover.” say i.

“no, she says. you can’t go in until they pay.” says she.

“look, i’m sorry you messed up, but it’s not my fault, and i’m going in.” say i.

being the intimidating menace that i am, my actions call the attention of the bouncer, who, though being 2 inches shorter than me, has been popping steroids since conception, and could definitely snap me if he so wished.

“what are you starting?” says he.

“nothing, i payed my cover and i’m going inside.” say i.

“his friends didn’t pay their cover.” says she.

“then you’re not going inside.” says he.

“yes i am. it’s not my fault that you guys screwed up.” i try to side-step him to get inside.

“you don’t want this.” says he, as he gets 2 inches from my face.

“dude, i payed my cover, i didn’t do anything, i’m going in.” say i.

“you’re getting your friends to pay the fucking cover.” says he. this continues back and forth for a few more moments.

the cashier lady holds my license as ‘collateral’. now i have to go find my friends. i side step steroid-boy w/ the acknowledgement that i am going to find my friends. i find my friend, and tell her that steroid-boy wants to kick my ass for the following reasons:

1. i purposely didn’t get intimidated by his power hungry act.

2. i didn’t want to find my friends for him.

“nonetheless, they’re holding my license hostage, so please go pay your cover.” say i.

“haha, that’s funny. ok, let me go to the atm.”

“i’m right fucking here, where are your friends.” says steroid-boy as he magically appears behind me.

“i’m talking to her, calm down buddy.” say i. this pisses him off tremendously.

“don’t get in my fucking face, boy. you don’t want a piece of this.” as he gets in my face again, spitting a bit in his anger. i wipe my face in retalliation and walk away.

“hey, don’t fucking walk away from me.” more spit on the back of my neck. i wipe my neck.

“you can stop spitting on me now.” say i. this is fun.

“get the fuck out of my bar you fucking dick.” says he. funny, i wasn’t aware that the owners of crappy bars are also midget bouncers that get all huffy. i didn’t say that, i definitely would have gotten beat down for that.

so i follow my friend to the atm w/ steroid-boy following me, taunting me for being such a dick. the atm is by the entrance, so steroid-boy makes a very visible exchange with the other bouncer.

“watch that dick. he’s trouble.”

my friend and i laugh at the absurdity of this jackass and go get some drinks.

Categories: Austin, haha, WTF?
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