Home > architecture, frustration, school > what’s wrong with me?

what’s wrong with me?

so i’m very – though – not entirely bummed, as i’m getting an incomplete in studio for the semester. i didn’t produce enough or get my project to a satisfactory state by final review. so that totally sucks and makes me feel like shite; but on the other hand i get to continue working on the design for a new review midsummer. once i finally got into the design i had a blast, and know it has a ways to go, so i’ll get to develop it. but the whole situation begs the question of why i didn’t develop it earlier? this is the same pattern as always – i never really get serious work done until the end under the pressure of final deadline / failure. i must be the laziest bastard ever that failure is what gets me motivated. am i working towards the wrong goal that i need to be kicked so hard in the ass to get moving? i am totally enthralled w/ the concept of sustainable design – it’s essentially the application of environmentalism to architecture, which consumes nearly 45% of the nation’s energy. but i can’t really get into the design component unless pushed. so i tell myself that i’m not into design, but into making the building healthy and energy efficient. but this work pattern carries over into other classes – i did the same thing w/ my environmental controls class, which was a basic overview in sustainable design. i loved the class, but only put serious work into it at the end. that work payed off, but my relationship w/ my prof suffered, and i hold him in high esteem. plus, design is important – it’s why i love apple so much, b/c they understand that design is important, though not the only important thing. what’s important is the marriage between all aspects of the project: so for architecture its design (the aesthetic component of design), systems, flow – basically the creation of a building that makes sense when you move through it, is pretty and intriguing so you want to move through it, and is healthy so you don’t get sick when you move through it. i get so excited thinking and talking about these things, but actually doing them takes me forever. i just can’t ever get moving when i have to work – except for solar decathlon, which doesn’t take any effort on my part, and solar decathlon is that actual application of all these concepts i’m speaking of. so maybe once i actually work on a project, these issues will disappear. but i’m still concerned, b/c when designing buildings for studio, it is essentially an actual project, it just won’t ever get built. i have the capability to explore all of these issues that will be addressed in solar decathlon in every project i touch, i just don’t do the work. i even applied these issues to this semester’s project, but i just never really developed it. the idea is great that drives the project, but it continued to remain an idea until the very end when i was finally faced with not having anything to show at final review, so i finally produced. and when i produce, i produce good stuff, it’s just that as i’ve said a billion times on this page, if i actually worked this positively all semester i’d have a really great project. i’m beginning to seriously consider the possibility of my having ADD b/c i can’t keep my eye on my work 90% of the time. but is that just a way out of dealing what may be a deeper issue that i’m suppressing? grrrrrrr…

  1. No comments yet.
  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: