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javelinas & assorted camping experiences: have …

javelinas & assorted camping experiences:

have u ever met a javelina? i have… javelina #1 brazenly entered my campsite @ Big Bend NP in w. texas sunday nite, turned around, stuck his ass in my direction, and crawled back into the bushes. u may already have asked: just what is a javelina? and more importantly, how many drugs were u on? javelinas r often compared to bears & lions as notoriously evil campsite visitors since they have no qualms about destroying anything and everything in their quest for food. the next campsite over nearly lost their dog to the javelinas – no joke, these things don’t mess around.

now, if u want to see a cunning animal, just stay up late into the nite since coyotes are native 2 the area. at least 2 nites i was awoken to howling, and once to the pawing of a baby coyote perhaps 2 ft from my tent. luckily i remembered that urinating declares territory; unfortunately, i smelled like pee for the rest of the night…

perhaps the coyote was messing around my campsite so that he could finally catch that damn roadrunner – i personally had a standoff w/ that fucker 3 times a day. yes, roadrunners are also native to west texas. however, u should know at this point that warner bros. apparently felt it necessary to indoctrinate millions of innocent children to believe that roadrunners are 5 ft. tall, or at least the size of a small dog. no! they are the size of a large hamster. and, suffice it to say, they do not say Meep Meep. it was a sad day when i discovered these facts.

what else was done when not confronting javelinas, roadrunners and coyotes? i stood my ground against toe-biting snakes, turkey vultures, and mating peregrine falcons. i floated down the rio grande and nearly entered mexican territory to the dismay of US border patrol (who stopped my car on 3 separate occasions: are u US citizens? yes. ok, move along; i feel so safe w/ those guys protecting the border!).

on a US/Mexican border tangent, i was solicited by mexicans standing in the rio grande – ‘u want buy bracelet? walking stick?’ i decided that i, too, would enter the contraband market and sell items to the mexicans – stuff that they would find to be useless shit. i figure that i could sell them software to use on their non-existant computers. i’m an asshole…

other items of interest from big bend: i offroaded my VW Golf on rocky desert terrain explicitly specified for 4WD SUVs; i saw numerous rock formations and mountains in the shape of breasts; i drove through ‘towns’ w/ max populations of 2000 – often just several hundred, sad yet beautiful; i relaxed 🙂 ; i racked up another 1000 miles on the General Lee: current mileage 18,242- having started at 0 may272002; i spoke poetically, one verse of which i will grace your eyes w/:

“Two roads diverged in the desert,

and I, I took the one less traveled by…

and I was eaten by a bear.”

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